Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
