The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
