Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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