guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
There's a naked man in my car right now.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Floor bacon is actually really good
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
