I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
