I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
