Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
