please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I just found puke in my bra..
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
