Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
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