I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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