after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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