So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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