Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
