My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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