I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Is it because I queefed?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
