I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize