I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
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