Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
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