My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
