"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize