Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Randomize