my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
