The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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