You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
