I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
