So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
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