I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Randomize
