My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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