he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
