well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
