life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
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