I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
