Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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