Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
