Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
