at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
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