lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
