either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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