I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize