oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Randomize
