Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
Randomize
