You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
