Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
