this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Randomize