it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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