Why are handjobs necessary in class?
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
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