Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
So squirting runs in the family.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Randomize
