I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
birth control should be required to get into college
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
Randomize
