im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Found the puke drawer
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Randomize
