I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
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