I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
