FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Randomize
