happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
