She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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