Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Randomize
