It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
