just come out here and I will go home with you...
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Boobs speak an international language.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
