I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
How external is "for external use only"?
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize