I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
