Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
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