I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
