Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
