YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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