Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
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