3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
