I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
Randomize
