I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
