apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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