you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
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