why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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