did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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