What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
