So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
