Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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