p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
Randomize
