he wants to bone in the snuggie
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Randomize
